Going Grey

i cant believe it, all my 17 years of hair dyeing are finally catching up with me. yes, i am going quite blonde at the front and on top, but underneath i really have white hairs. not grey or silver -white. the seem to be concentrated in one area, but then i am not the best person to see exactly where they are anyways.

point being: crap. im only 25.

Robbed

literally. janaki and i were robbed -and lesley too, though she wasnt there.

long story, but we met some guys at a bar. janks liked one of em, i thought the other was a real dick.

i was right.

we all went back to janakis apartment and then i went home and left them there. at some point, the dickhead went into my bag and stole $40 out of my purse, he also went into janakis bedroom and stole money out of her drawer, and lesleys drawer, and took janakis float out of her work apron, and her money and credit cards out of her wallet. and then he took off. janaki realised he was gone and that her stuff was missing, and the 'good' guy, james, says call the cops, and then he took off as well.

of course the cops arent gonna do shit. we didnt have last names, but the guy drove a silver jag, you think they could track that pretty fast.

anyways. poor janaki. what little fuckers. not to mention that the guy, james, knew some of the girls i work with -how dumb can you get? unfortunately the little ho-bag doesnt even know his last name either and the number she has for him is old (and for some reason she is very reluctant to give it to me).

so when our friend ross from the rcmp gets back from holiday, hes gonna have some investigating to do for us....

(oh i made over $200 last night -after tip out -sweeeet, well made up for the $40 that was nicked)

Strange Days

wow, i ended up getting a bit drunk on friday night and pouring my heart out to eli of all people. he is a strange creature. he certainly has a big drinking problem, but he knows it. and despite his childish behaviour most of the time, he is actually a softie and a pretty genuine guy deep down (just has some screwy priorities). but i have made the mistake of that judgement call before. he said that everyone knows i have a crush on joey, so im sure joey knows. but he also said he thinks joey has a crush on me. but then i lose faith in that when i realise that he never calls me to hang out or anything. its seems fairly one sided in that respect. whatever. i think i need to stop writing about him here. in fact im contemplating deleting all previous entries that refer to him...

on a more positive note, i made almost $200 tonight -not bad for a monday night. but then i had to give 30 bucks away in tip out to the kitchen, bar staff and bouncers, plus $10 on a taxi home.... ah well -thems the breaks.

New Phone

i caved. i just ordered a "cell" phone. actually they do say mobile over here sometimes but it sounds more like mobil (as in the petrol station), so i just tend to say cell, its one less thing to get laughed at over. ha ha.

its not really fancy, but now that i have a full time job and will be making decent money i figure i can afford $50 a month. the thing that stopped me from getting one before was that i had to pay for incoming calls, but with this plan, so long as i am in ottawa i dont have to pay for incoming, and i get 100 free daytime minutes, 1000 free night/weekend minutes and 50 free sms. but how crazy is this: i have to pay extra for the phone number to show up on my phone when someone calls me -even if theyre in my phone book. and i dont mean name display (here if you have caller display on your home phone it shows the name of the person or company calling you), i just mean plain old 'the phone number the call is coming from'. weird. anyway, theyll send it to me so i should get it in the next couple of days. cool huh?

Gamble Everything for Love

good old ben lee. he put on a great show. the venue was pretty cool. very old with tiers of tables and chairs and then the floor. joey and i sat right up the back -i didnt have my glasses, so it didnt matter where we sat, i wouldnt have seen any better. though i should say there isnt really a bad seat in that place, its set up pretty good. and i guess cos he isnt so well known here he played all his hit songs. he even covered some cool canadian songs (one was modest mouse -float on) which made joe very happy.

because it was such a cheap gig, i didnt feel under any pressure to pay strict attention to what was going on on stage, so we just sat right up the back and talked and listened and drank beer. after th egig he was signing autographs and stuff. i unintentionally jumped the queue and shook his hand and just said thanks, i felt like i was home for a while. i was a bit tipsy, but not tipsy enough to let joey meet ben lee and pretend to be australian.

so joey is a whole other story. the poor boy. he said all the things you would expect, that he misses her, but he knows he misses the intimacy of a relationship and someone you know so well. he knows he should be single, but he said hes no good at being single and he will probably just fall straight into another relationship. i just hope its not with one of the tarts from oreganos. he said they have already started to 'carve him up'. i was so restrained. i am so proud of myself, but im still terrified that im going to wait so patiently for the right opportunity to tell him how i feel and then miss it altogether. he must know. there was a couple of moments i was sure he was feeling exactly the same way as me, but who knows. afterwards, we went across the street and he got some pizza and let out his aggression on a video game. we were kind of going to go somewhere else, but then he said he should go home (work at 8am). there were some great hugs and lots of kisses on the cheek (from me). and then my favourite moment from the whole evening, when i forgot i had my hair pinned back and ran my fingers through it, i said oops -forgot about that. he pushed my hair back from my face (for the 2nd time that night) and said it was adorable.

Finally Final?

poor joey. laura quit her job, packed up and moved back home with her folks yesterday. i guess i'll see how he is holding up tonight when we go to ben lee. he said he is ok for the most part, but i guess if he gets a bit drunk he may get upset... i dont know.

i hope its still a good night, ive been looking forward to it for ages.

As I Was Saying

nothing is ever final. of course they havent broken up, but maybe its just a matter of time.

in any case, its just as well. im sure i let my infatuations get carried away as usual and if anything actually happened, i would freak out and change my mind.

i still have issues feeling like i deserve someone like him. id never feel comfortable. its hard to explain.


on another note....
new job went well. i bought some new shoes for it and pants, and then went in to check the shoes were ok and got the thumbs up. while i was working today i saw a memo about dress code, and saw something about no cotton pants. i didnt know what this meant... i thought linen??? then i was describing my new pants to a friend and they said 'oh, cotton pants?' apparently what i would call track pants are called cotton pants. but they are nice and fashionable capri pants. i hope theyre ok, cos i only have one pair of black pants otherwise, as the other cheap pair i bought are also track pants (but quite obviously track pants)..... crap.

Very Mixed Feelings Indeed

before, i was so certain that there was something between us -you know 'if he didnt have a girlfriend...'- but now i guess i have to face the fact that there might not be. does that make sense? before, i had a very safe little crush that wasnt going anywhere. now i face the possibility of rejection, ruining a friendship, watching him flirt with other girls, and the dreaded 'lets just be friends'.

ah crap. i cant win.

plus i have no patience and i dont want to wait for him to go through his rebound stage. he needs to be single, as he hasnt been for like 10 years.

so, again another lesson in patience for me.

hell, they only broke up last night (though apparently had done so a week earlier as well, and rocky for some time, which i did not know), nothing is ever final. i need to back off and calm down.

Very Mixed Feelings

joey broke up with laura. gotta go to work now, more later.

Buskerfest

this city really is the city of festivals. since i have been here there has been the jazz festival, the blues festival, the dragon boat festival, the bbq rib festival, and now the busker festival (and those are just the ones i have attended). yesterday i saw the most sensational group - offbeat. much like stomp, they are a group of uni students that use all sorts of objects to create fantastic percussion music. they used bottles, brooms, basketballs, chairs, sticks, plastic tubing and of course their hands, feet and other parts of their bodies. great work guys, thanks for the show!


something else i wanted to mention that also involves busking.... there are loads of homeless people in ottawa. most of them just sit on the street, outside mcdonalds or the grocery store, and ask for money. it makes me mad. one thing i took from the bloody 'atlas shrugged' that coby gave me to read, was that people who work for their money deserve it. it doesnt matter how rich they become, they have done something for that money (well, most of them -lets not count stupid people like paris hilton). and people who need money for whatever reason, should not expect to be just given money because they need it. it doesnt make any sense to me. i dont have a lot of money. when i am walking home from a shift where i have provided people with a service and they have given me money in return. i dont want to give my hard earned dollars to some guy (and yes, usually a drunk) who thinks he should get money just cos he doesnt have any. i want to stop and ask them why. why should i give you my money? what are you giving me in return? im supposed to feel warm and fuzzy about helping this person buy cigarettes or booze?.

today i gave money to a homeless person for the first time. this guy was playing the guitar and singing on a street corner. he wasnt a typical busker, he was sitting on the ground, he just had his hat in front of him, he was quite obviously homeless. but he was making an effort to do something to earn his money. as i got closer i realised that instead of a left hand he had a stump, on the end of his stump was a coffee mug with the handle broken off, that he was using as a slide on the neck of his guitar.

hello??? when i got a block further down the street and some kid asked me for 'spare change' outside the grocery store, i wanted to scream at him that i had just given my 'spare change' to the guy down the street with only one hand, who was making a real effort.

Hee Hee

i am so cheeky with my photo shop......

Hot or What?

today, right now, the temperature is 35 degrees.

on the humidex (takes into account the humidity) its 48 degrees celsius.

its fuckin hot.