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3 nights ago, matt told me he loved me.


he sleeptalks. he told me in his sleep that he was in love with me, and again in the morning he said he loved me. he didnt remember either of these, and said he was confused because while he likes me -a lot- he doesnt know if hes in love -yet.

i was kind of glad. im not sure yet either. but i kind of am. im not sure because this feels different from anything else and i dont know what label to put on it. while i cant stop thinking about him, i havent lost myself in it. i still feel independent, and he gives me such confidence that im able to hold my ground and demand respect. i want to be able to do anything i can to please him, yet at the same time i would never compromise myself to do so. its so different from the feeling im used to, letting myself get walked over or freaking out because i feel like i dont deserve it.

this is very personal. i guess he will read this one day.

anyway, we went to the movies tonight to see borat. he said it again -awake. and he meant it this time. he kind of cried when he told me how much i mean to him.

im very happy. wow.

i feel so silly when i step back and think about how this looks from another persons perspective. not even 2 months.