Who Am I Trying to Kid?

im not really that happy with myself. everytime i drink when im premenstrual i end up bawling my eyes out. theres always something that reminds me just how far i am from the person i want to be, but i dont know how to get there. last night i got all paranoid that the guys i was out with were talking about me. but its only because i feel like such a slut right now that i assume thats what other people are saying about me. i stormed out of lintons apartment and then when coby followed me i started crying about all sorts of stuff, of course they werent whispering about me at all, they were whispering about brads sister. so then i feel even worse because now i look such a self centred tool. when linton wanted to stay with me i said fine. and then started bawling my eyes out again. i just wish he could have done what he said and just held me instead of talking non-stop with the: can i just hold you, is that ok, you can tell me whats wrong, i know im only young and i wont understand, im just stupid, and can i just hold you like this is that ok? of course he isnt just holding me, he keeps trying it on. fuckin hell. meanwhile i cant even breathe cos crying has my nose completely blocked up.
what a night.